lost

I am lost. No one can see that I am lost. I have told no-one. I sit & weep for no reason. Sometimes I have to sit in the car at the supermarket waiting for the weeping to subside before I can go in. I get over emotional, sending irrational texts to my boyfriend, whom I think I may have just pushed to the limit. I wake at 3am, lying there in the dark for what feels like hours, knowing I shall be shattered during the day, exacerbating the weeping & irrationality.

Why am I drowning? Hormones. That’s it, sweet & simple. If I had some huge mental illness problem with a big name I’d elicit more sympathy, but hormones? Hell, I’m a girl, it’s expected! Actually girl doesn’t cover it. I am a woman not that far off fifty. Ah! I hear you say, ‘that age’ you shall say in a knowing way. See? Any sympathy that may have been building , gone. Thing is, it is wrecking my life. I cannot concentrate on my work; as I said, it may have already destroyed my relationship  with the most wonderful man ever. I am just not functioning. I used to be the life & soul of any party. Friends still talk about me in that way & I feel I am letting them down.

However, I refuse to let this beat me. I have decided to blog my efforts to work out what the hell is going on, how doctors react, what is out there to help.

I may be lost right now but I WILL find myself again. Get those parties organised peeps, this girl will be back!